Monday, December 6, 2010

Pour Some Sugar On Me!

I promise not to do a daily Sugar Bowl post for the next month, but today -- the day after the "official" announcement -- is special!  Accordingly:

I stole the picture from a Facebook friend and got the spin on "The Night Before Christmas" in an email today.  The meter and rhyme could use a little help, but you get the general idea --

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the town,
Not a single Razorback fan was wearing a frown;
Rooms were reserved and tickets were bought,
...A Sugar Bowl win was being actively sought.

The fans in my family were watching ESPN,
With visions of Hogs and BCS trips in '11;
And I, after wrapping a new Hogs cap,
Had just settled down for a nice long nap.

When out on the lawn came a thunderous roar,
The Arkansas fight song, Pig Sooie and more;
I quickly got up and rushed from my bed,
Sounds of Razorback Stadium being heard in my head.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the luster of stadium lights below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But members of the football team, in full Sugar Bowl gear.

With a determined driver, from what I could see,
I knew in a moment it must be Coach P;
With hopes for a bowl win his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

“Now Mallett! Now, D.J.! Now, Adams and Wright!
On, Wingo! On, Sheppard! Let’s put up a fight!
To the top of the roof! Let’s play some football!
It’s practice time! Practice time! Practice for all!"

As quickly as Adams runs 99 yards,
They jumped in the team bus and headed upwards;
Up to the house-top the players they flew,
With a bus full of gear, and Coach Petrino too.

And then, from Mallett, I heard overhead,
The sound of a play call as practice was led;
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Coach P came with a bound.

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his toes,
Decked out in his very best Razorback clothes;
A bag full of footballs was flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes – how they twinkled! His smile how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His headpiece was on and it started to crackle,
With orders like pump fake, and handoff, and tackle.

I looked at Coach P, and then said with a sigh,
“This season’s missed assignments and refs made me cry;
But, with all of the talent we have on this team,
It’s definitely enough to make this fan dream;
We struggled some this year for whatever reason,
Please say we win our bowl game and beat 'Bama next season!”

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke no words, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And just as he was leaving, he spoke with no fear,
Exactly what this Razorback fan wanted to hear:
“We’re laying a strong foundation for many great years,
This season is over. We're focused on New Year's;
A bowl win, a strong class and hopefully Mallett’s return,
Will give our competition next year plenty of concern.”

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his bus, to his team gave a yell,
And away they all flew like “Bats out of Hell!"

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove through the snow,
Merry Christmas to All and “Go Hogs Go”!!!


  1. Obviously an Arkie came up with that sack of sugar.

    Pure cain whoopass? Arkies don't know jack about cane, I'll cut 'em some slack.

    Still, it's ignurnt...

  2. Yeah -- I was thinking the artisit meant a whoopass of Biblical proportions!

  3. Yeah, the rhyme and meter do need hep, and lots of it.

    Now's as good a time as any to put ya on notice... I hate those doofus Buckeyes (ptui!) with a passion but they ARE representing the Big Ten. So it's conflicted I am. If you SEC homers understood the meaning of the word "humility" then I might not BE conflicted. But it is what it is. I still haven't made up my mind who I'll root for in the Sucre Bowl, but that game down in Glendale? Quack! Quack!! QUACK!!!

  4. Poor Buck. I love the guy, but this thing is of the strongest teams I've seen in years vs. the weakest team to EVER make the BCS Championship...

    No Auburn fan's just reality. This will be the worst BCS Championship game ever.

  5. I think we may need to get Buck some help, Andy. He's nearly raving and seems to thinks that the SEC has soomething to be humble about. ;-)

  6. And Corch Saban has 'Bama playing so well they are (oops, I meant "were") totally unbeatable, right Andy?

  7. Yep Inno! Even a sage such as myself can be wrong.

    Truthfully, Auburn caught me by surprise. And my own beloved LSU Tigers caught me by surprise in being able to beat Corch St. Nick.

    I just assumed that Mark Ingram was still Mark Ingram...had he been, I'd have been right. But, "iffins" is for chirrenz.

  8. Do not forget, my children... He who laughs last laughs BEST. All y'all just keep on keepin' on. We're taking notes.

  9. Nyuk! In my experience, elephants, and non-SEC homers have the very best memories in all the animal kingdom.

  10. Time will tell. Time will tell.