The Monday After Easter

Happy Day after Easter! Easter, the most blessed and joyous observation in Christianity. A day spent rejoicing in our Savior's sacrifice, made so that we foolish and wicked humans may have eternal life.

And the day after that Holiest of days, when the Capitol and White House are on lock-down because of shots fired. One in custody, one Capitol police officer with non-life-threatening injuries. Sheesh.

On a more irreverent note, does anyone else find it deliciously ironic that Ivanka Trump gave birth to a baby boy and named him Ted?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.  The snark is weak.

And, I'm publishing the iconic Bouie Cottontail, one last time. I need to find some new bunny ears so I can embarrass the girl dogs in the future.

Chalk One Up for the Good Guys

Early Wednesday morning in New Orleans East an armed man entered a gas station and demanded money from the clerk and a customer. That was his first mistake.

The customer, not taking kindly to being strong-armed, followed the thug out of the store. Thug fired at customer (his second mistake); customer fired back, hitting thug in the hip!

Thug remains hospitalized and will be charged upon his release.

Sometimes we all need a little good news.

Cause and Effect

Stolen from Purple Clover

So, we've now identified the source of the problem. What are we gonna do about finding a solution?

A Climax in the Bergdahl Saga Approaches

Well.

After yesterday's colossal gaffe (IMHO) by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs (see yesterday's post), it seems that at least one decision-maker in the DoD has come to his senses.

SGT Bowe Bergdahl will be charged with desertion. NBC reports:

Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, who was held captive by enemy forces in Afghanistan for five years, will be charged with desertion, a senior defense officials tell NBC News. The officials say the charges could be referred within a week.

According to the officials, the desertion charges would be based on allegations that Bergdahl abandoned his remote outpost in June 2009 to avoid hazardous duty or important service, which are grounds for charges of desertion under the Uniform Military Code of Justice, or UCMJ. According to one senior official, Bergdahl's actions in Afghanistan go well beyond the lesser offense of AWOL, absent without leave, because he allegedly abandoned his post "in the middle of a combat zone, potentially putting the lives of his fellows soldiers at risk."

The charges will apparently not allege that Bergdahl left with the intent never to return. Bergdahl was reportedly captured by the Haqqani terrorist network in Pakistan. He was released in a prisoner swap for five Taliban commanders held at Guantanamo Bay in May.

Perhaps the public will finally be made privy to the details surrounding his capture and the prisoner exchange that led to his release last year. Too many good men lost their lives searching for him -- their memory demands clarification and closure.

Wouldn't it be "interesting" if the Young President granted him clemency? You know -- traitor to traitor.

Who Knew the Grim Reaper Had a Sense of Irony?

Let's chat a bit about Clayton Lockett.

You know -- the late Clayton Lockett who's reaping all kinds of misguided (and misplaced) sympathy because the drugs used to execute him didn't kill him quickly enough to satisfy death penalty opponents.

The late Clayton Lockett, career criminal.

The late Clayton Lockett who was convicted and sentenced to death by a jury for the torture, beating, rape, sodomy, burying alive, and murder of a 19 year-old young woman in Oklahoma -- a young victim who was selected at random during a crime spree Lockett launched shortly after he was released from prison.

The late Clayton Lockett who died of a heart attack some 43 minutes after he was sedated, and after writhing, twitching, and convulsing for quite some time while the Grim Reaper took a coffee break.

The Clayton Lockett whom doctors contemplated taking to the hospital shortly before he breathed his last. (Taking to the hospital?!?!)

The Clayton Lockett whom many claim suffered a "botched" execution.

That execution wasn't botched. Clayton Lockett died. In agony, as did his victim. Man may err, but God doesn't make mistakes.

And I believe it was probably the vengeful, Old Testament God who had a hand in Clayton Lockett's demise.

So, shall we chat about Clayton Lockett?

No. Let the trash in the landfill stay undisturbed.

I'm not a good enough Christian to feel any pity toward that animal. Nor to speak his name ever again.

Young, Foolish, and Felonious

My goodness. Moogie seems to have been the Negative Nellie the past few posts.

I don't see that changing today.

It's just that there is sooooo much stupidity out there. And so much of the stupid originates in the criminal justice system.

It seems that Arkansas has a relatively new law making it a felony to "exchange sexually explicit material involving anyone under the age of 17" or to distribute, possess or view "matter depicting sexually explicit conduct involving a child." Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I don't have a problem with the law, per se. It's a perfectly acceptable function of government to protect children from  those who would exploit them, for whatever reason.  But, when government uses laws like this to punish children, it overreaches that function and sets young people on a dangerous path that can affect them for the rest of their lives.

Yep, the Jacksonville Police busted three young teenagers who had been "sexting" with one another and charged them with felonies. The sexted videos had been messaged to other kids, too. The kids are a 14 year-old boy and two girls, ages 13 and 14. In other words, they are young enough to be daredevils, ignorant of the law, and foolish.

I have a problem with enforcing laws upon a class of people the laws were designed to protect -- in this case, children under 17 years of age. At least the kids were charged in Juvenile Court instead of County Criminal Court. Hopefully the Juvy Judge will find a way to make this felony expungeable so these kids aren't stamped with a Scarlet "Felon" from the get-go and for the rest of their lives. Their reputations are already trashed. Even if the offense was committed by their own doing, they need to be made aware of the ramifications of the transgression without bearing the full clout of a felony.

The Legislature needs to work on this statute a bit -- give it some much-needed tweaking. But, oh nooooooo. They're too busy debating critical matters like the constitutionality of requiring Voter ID and whether we should have more biking paths.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Murphy Hits it on the Nose -- Obama-centric Foreign Policy

I am so angry and so frightened and so furious about the attacks yesterday on our diplomatic corps -- not to mention the murders of an Ambassador and his staff -- that I am tongue-tied.  I am so angry and so frightened and so furious that those attacks took place on the anniversary of 9/11 that I am red-faced.  So, since I can't clear my head enough to write about the whole thing, go over to Lagniappe's Lair and read Murph's take on those abominable (or perhaps I should say Obamanable) travesties.  Here's a little taste of Murph's post that is so spot on, and so very scary:

The reality is that they know exactly who they are messing with. They know that Barry Obama, for all of his willingness to use the power of the US Government against us citizens here to make us live as he deems proper, would sooner sell his wife and daughters in the Sudanese slave markets than risk making the world muslim community angrier at him personally.  And that last bit is important. Obama doesn't care if the world hates America as a nation; he has gone on record plenty of times hating it, too. Obama doesn't want the world hating him personally. It's always been all about him in his mind and that's how American foreign policy has been conducted since he took office. That's how we got to this point today and why it's only going to get worse for America until he's gone.

That's the heart of the matter, isn't it?  We're living with an Obama-centric foreign policy. 

I fear Israel will get tired of waiting around for the International Atomic Energy Agency to deal with Iran -- especially after being snubbed yet again by the White House -- and take drastic, irremediable action. 

In that case we may as well roll out Dr. Strangelove.

See you in the mineshafts.

From Today's Inbox -- Explosive!

A fellow concealed carry permit holder sent this to me today -- I dare you to watch it without smiling and cheering.



See what I mean? 

One small thing, however -- I think Grandpa needs a little time at the range.  Aim for the core!

And someone needs to tell the woman holding her hands over her ears that she should not wander into the line of fire.

I hope the thugs broke their front teeth when they hit the deck while trying to escape. 

From the Inbox -- in the "Only in New Orleans" Folder

In today's email blast from the New Orleans Police Department:

On 07-04-12 at about 4:10am an alarm went off at the Audubon Zoo Swamp Gift Shop. While conducting their morning rounds at about 7:30am, Audubon Security observed pry marks to one of the gift shop doors, and a broken window pane near the bottom door latch. A check of the location revealed 10 baby alligators to be missing from the tank within the gift shop. On 07-05-12 Sixth District Officers responded to a call of 8 baby alligators abandoned in a plastic storage bin at the corner of Surrapru and Russeau St. Upon arrival zoo personnel were able to identify the alligators as the same animals taken from the gift shop. A witness was able to provide a description of the vehicle which had dropped the alligators off at the intersection, and then fled the scene. On the same evening, JPSO Deputies stopped a stolen vehicle, which was positively identified via photograph by the witness as the same which had dropped off the alligators. JPSO Deputies made and apprehension, and while conducting a check of the vehicle, located 1 baby alligator inside the vehicle. The witness was able to identify Thornton, Rodney (B/M 07-15-82) and one Powell, Kawayne (B/M 01-31-92) as having been the subjects who placed the alligators in her front yard, prior to her moving them out to the street and notifying the police. A warrant was issued on 07-09-12 for the arrest of both Thornton and Powell charging them with La. R.S. 14:69 Relative to Possession of Stolen Property.

Thank goodness for stupid criminals. Can't you just picture them, sitting out on the front stoop, having a beer, and chillin' when one of them says, "Hey, I've got an idea . . . ."

An American Tragedy

The five-year-old, a recent Kindergarten graduate, was said to have asked her preacher, "What color are Jesus's eyes?"

Today, a day after she was murdered at a cousin's 10th birthday celebration (during which he also suffered gunshot wounds), her preacher told the world that she now knows firsthand what color those eyes are.

A mother of three young children was also killed, the victim of being in the right place at the wrong time, blocks away, in a rental car she was returning to Enterprise.

A 13 year-old and his 15 year old companion  have been arrested.  The 13 year-old was apprehended based on data from his ankle bracelet.  His frickin' ankle bracelet!  His rap sheet is reported to be lengthy, but it can't be released due to his age.  Of course.  Young relatives of the slain are reportedly not cooperating with investigators.  Ya think?  How much longer before we read about their untimely deaths?

What will it take to stop this senseless violence.  Apparently the young President doesn't make this blight a priority.  Way to dodge your "mandate" there, President Obama.

Moogie 1, Thieves 0!

Ah ha!!!  Victory over the thugs is mine!!

Remember when we discovered the theft of our lawn mower (and other stuff) from our garage after Thanksgiving?  Remember how I bought padlocks and heavy chains to reinforce the gate closures?

They worked!

Since Pepper has been out of town for a few days, the Bouie-poop-walk duty has fallen to me.  As we rounded the corner and approached the gate on the side street this morning, I noticed the gate to the back courtyard looked a little whoppy-jawed (translation for those not fluent in Southern: misaligned; crooked; off-center).  Sure enough, upon closer observation, I found the tongue was out of its little slot, meaning that someone had tried to unlatch the gate, to-wit:

And, this time the miscreant thief couldn't simply reach over to unlatch the clasp!  The padlock held! 

Ah, the smell of victory over reprobates is sweet indeed!  But, it's also a little creepy to know that someone was trying to gain access to the yard while Pepper was gone and I was here alone.  Fortunately, I am armed with both weapons and a large black dog who loves me.  He loves to squish plants in the sun, too. 

Nonetheless, I'm glad Pepper comes home tonight.

This has been the strangest winter -- it never got cold enough, for long enough, to kill my potted jalapeno plant, and now it has set five flowers!  And last year's petunia just went a little dormant and has now exploded in purple blossoms!  It was just too mild to kill the annuals, I suppose, except for the basil, whose remains you see beside the pepper plant.

Or, maybe I've become a magical gardener.  Yeah -- I'll go with that.  I'm magical. 

You'd best beware Moogie the Magical, thieving scum, or I'll transform you into the literal slime that you are and deliver you up to Obama's algae-based energy experiments!  At least there you'll be among your own kind, and potentially productive, instead of just another leeching wart on the nose of society.

There.  I feel better.  Can you tell I overdosed on Harry Potter movies this weekend?
          

Random Saturday Thoughts

It's a blustery, chilly day here in New Orleans.  Yesterday my ensemble included capri pants and flipflops while today it features a sweatshirt and Uggs!  Pepper's out of town doing a speaking engagement, so I figure this is a pretty good time to be worthless, catch up on my blogstalking, and maybe curl up on the couch with Bouie and a good movie.  I can be productive another day.

But, before I sink into a luxurious, hedonistic stupor punctuated with cocktails and barbecued ribs, I'd like to share a few things that have caught my eye lately.

New Orleans experienced an officer-involved shooting following a routine traffic stop a few days ago.  Two cops suffered critical gunshot wounds, the driver of the stopped car (a Mr. Sipps) was injured, and his passenger (also his younger brother) was killed by returned fire.  An internal investigation is, of course, underway with the assistance of federal agents.  The NAACP is demanding that an independent investigation be conducted by federal authorities with no connection to the region.  This might not be such a bad idea, considering the NOPD's poor showing of internal housekeeping since Katrina.  Anyway, in today's Times-Picayune, an attorney for one of the officers was sort of quoted, one would assume to pre-rebut an allegation of racial animus as a motivation for the stop/shooting, as follows (there are no quotation marks, and I'm not really sure what that means in today's journalism -- is it a direct quote, or is it something the "staff writer" would have liked the speaker to have said?):

[Officer] Giroir also wasn't aware of the Sipps' race -- they are black -- because he couldn't see them in the darkness of the early morning hour, he said.

Huh?  Wha. . . ??  Does anyone else think that perhaps Officer Giroir's attorney kinda stepped in it there?  *sigh*

Then, there is this take on racism and presidential wordsmithing:

And there is this:

I'm getting a bad feeling about this election.  And the future.  Maybe the Mayans were right.

Sorry.  Doom and gloom, Part Deux, is over now.

On to the couch!

It's a Good Thing the Grass is Dormant . . .

After a long holiday weekend with friends and family, and after dealing with construction management hell, and after successfully avoiding retail establishments on Black Friday -- and after the Hogs gave that little squeaker to the Tiggers -- Pepper and I made it back to New Orleans yesterday afternoon in plenty of time to unpack and thaw something from the freezer before the Saints/Giants kickoff.  And, what a lovely victory that was, but I digress.

So, this morning I walked Pepper out to the truck in the cold air, carrying his coffee mug, when he asked, "Why is this open?" pointing to the hasp that keeps our back gate secure.  I replied, "And where is the [dog leash] clip?" that we use to keep it locked.

I knew that I double-checked the gate before we left for Little Rock because I went out back to do just that after I had double-checked one of the back doors and found it unlocked.

Pepper stepped out onto the sidewalk and spied the clip in the flowerbed.

Great.

He said, "Can you tell if anything's missing?"  And I replied, "You mean like the lawn mower?"

And we just stared, for several moments, at the suddenly very empty spot where the mower used to sit.  Then we fanned out to try to discern whether anything else was missing.  Generator?  Present.  Porsche?  Present, locked, and intact.  Chainsaw?  Present and accounted for.  It seems that just the lawn mower went on walkabout. Or rollabout.

Crap, nonetheless.

So, Pepper shook his head, climbed into the truck, and headed downtown.

I went inside to file the police report.

Remember when Moogie mounted the Neighborhood Watch sign way back in 2009?

Before our neighborhood was able to call itself officially a Neighborhood Watch area, worthy of displaying the signs, a certain number of residents had to undergo a series of weekly trainings about observation, crime-fighting resources, etc.  One little tidbit I found particularly valuable was the training Officer's explanation of the Non-emergency Police number.  His admonition to use that number when merely reporting something suspicious or minor, so that we wouldn't tie up the emergency 911 operators, struck me as important enough that I programmed the number into my cell phone (along with the FBI's and the DEA's!) right then and there.

Today, I'm not so sure why they bother to maintain separate numbers.

The same people answer the non-emergency number as the emergency 911 number. 

Now I understand why one reads about people getting busy signals, or being put on hold, when calling 911.  Even so, the nice Non-Emergency-911 lady said she could take my call and send over some uniformed officers.

Of course, when I asked one of the officers (who responded within 15 minutes, by the way!) why that was the case and explained that I didn't want to tie up the line in case someone had a real emergency, he told me that you wouldn't believe why some people call 911.  One of his favorites was the mother who wanted the police summoned to tell her teenage daughter that she couldn't go out dressed "like that."  Sheesh.

Anyway, the officers asked me a bunch of questions and talked to one another in code about how they would classify this incident since our garage is open-air on the sides and wouldn't totally support a classification of breaking and entering or burglary.  P.S., Crime statistics are very important in Orleans Parish.  I told them I'd be happy to settle for a little Criminal Trespass and Theft of Property valued at less than $500.00, because I doubted whether we'd ever see the mower again.

I remarked that whoever did it had to know enough about us to figure out that we were leaving town -- Bouie went with us to Little Rock; his big voice has chased many a miscreant away from the yard. -- and how to reach over the gate to unlatch the clip.  He said his best guess was that it was done by some crackhead who regularly strolled the neighborhood looking for jobs cutting grass to support his habit and eat.  I'd say that's probably pretty close to hitting it right on the nose.  And pretty creepy.

So, after the officers did much talking on the radio (while in possession of my drivers license. ???) and filling out paperwork and consulting with other cops, I now have in my possession an official "NOPD Form 26" telling me that I may acquire an official Police Report in 14 -21 "working days,"  for a fee. 

So, if it's not bad enough that you've been robbed already, the City sticks it to you again if you want to file an insurance claim which, in this case, would just be a worthless effort.

By the way, it must have been a slow crime day in the Crescent City -- they sent 2 squad cars and 4 policemen to investigate a stolen lawn mower.

And that picture at the top?  That shiny new padlock is today's MVP -- Most Valuable Purchase! In the sack is a length of chain for the front gate (and another padlock) since it's now cold enough to shrink the metal to where the tongue in the lock won't stay engaged. If the worthless, self-entitled miscreants want to get in again, they're going to have to work for it.

*sigh*

A Jefferson Family Update: Movin' on Out

There has been a lot of activity going on in New Orleans' once powerful Jefferson clan.

You might recall that William Jefferson is my former congressman who was convicted of bribery after federal investigators found, among other things, $90K in cold hard cash in his freezer.  He has remained free, pending appeal, since being sentenced to 13 years in the federal pen in November 2009.  Yes, it's been that long.  Oral arguments were re-scheduled for May of this year, but they have since been postponed yet again due to his attorney's battle with lymphoma.  No date has been set while Dollar Bill cools his heels out in the fresh air.

Brother Mose Jefferson, who was also convicted in 2009 on several counts of bribery and obstruction of justice, had been serving his 10-year sentence when he succumbed to cancer in May of this year. His passing got him excused from another unrelated trial for criminal fraud, not yet set, that involved a scheme to divert monies intended for charitable endeavors, cooked up by Mose and gal-pal, former City Council member and state legislator, Renee Gill-Pratt.  Her first trial in February of this year resulted in a hung jury, and re-trial begins this coming Monday.

Testifying in that re-trial against Gill-Pratt will be sister Betty Jefferson and her daughter Wanda Coleman, who pleaded guilty in the scam and took a deal.  Betty and Wanda are scheduled to be sentenced on August 31st -- happy birthday to me!

And now, it looks like there might be even a little more action on the Betty front.  You might recall that Betty Jefferson had served as the New Orleans Fourth District Assessor for a number of years, and that misappropriation of Parish funds made up the bulk of the charges against her in the bogus charity scheme with Mose, Gill-Pratt, and daughter Wanda. 

Get ready for this -- it gets even more convoluted.

It was revealed yesterday that an audit of the last five years of Betty's tenure as Assessor revealed up to $114,000 additional checks in possibly misappropriated funds.  It might be simply a matter of sloppy record-keeping, but when you consider that several of the checks drawn on the Assessor's work fund were made payable to an Assessor's office employee whose endorsement was then forged by a Jefferson family member, who subsequently kept the money, something smells stinky in the Crescent City. 

Among those invited to respond to the audit, but all of whom declined, were the office employee, Betty, Wanda, and Wanda's daughter Tawanda Coleman.  So now we've added another generation to the family business in public corruption. 

It seems to me that the Betty clan might be looking at state charges and orange jumpsuits in the near future.

I warned you previously about Bill's daughters -- the highly educated ones -- but his great-nieces and nephews didn't blip on my radar.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: this family is nothing more than a band of amoral brigands aiming to "spread the wealth" from the public and the poor by channeling it to themselves.

I'd better get the ol' radar tuned up.

Thieves Who Aren't Tooo Greedy and, at Long Last, a Nobel for China

Quote of the Day -- U.S. Attorney Jim Letten, in response to an observation by defense counsel that the defendant stole only close to $1M from the Housing Authority of New Orleans (where he was CFO for three years) when he had the opportunity to abscond with so much more, remarked:

"I'm not ready to pin any medals on anyone for stealing less than he could have."

The judge was also less than impressed by the defendant's restraint of his larcenous tendencies.  Let's keep that in mind when Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters come up for trial in the House next month.

Nobel Peace Prize -- and the winner is . . . Liu Xiaobo, a Chinese dissident and campaigner for democracy imprisoned for the crime of subversion! 

The Chinese government was not pleased.  The AP reported:

"Anticipating the award, Chinese circumvented Internet controls and called friends overseas to learn the news. Supporters and friends gathered outside Liu's central Beijing apartment, where his wife was kept inside by police. At a park, a civil rights lawyer, a retired official-turned-blogger and a dozen other people cheered and waved placards saying "Long Live Freedom of Speech." The demonstrators were later taken away by police."

President Obama observed:

"Last year, I noted that so many others who have received the award had sacrificed so much more than I."

Well, that's a big ol' Duh.

The young president also:

"[P]raised China for its stunning 30 years of transformative economic growth. 'But this award reminds us that political reform has not kept pace, and that the basic human rights of every man, woman and child must be respected,' Obama said. [emphasis mine]

Hmmm. Political reform.  Isn't that essentially the same thing as fundamental transformation? Maybe the young president's gentle chiding was simply a wink-wink, nudge-nudge, high-five between comrades. 

When the young president has accomplished his transformative policies and commandeered all facets of the economy, maybe we here in the good ol' U. S. of A. can see our internet shut down, spouses put under house arrest, and demonstrators for Freedom of Speech hauled off by the police, too!

At least the Nobel judges bestowed the award this year to someone who had actually done something to promote peaceful existence instead of to someone who could maybe do something in the future.

Another Charming Louisiana Politician Looks Justice in the Eye

This charmer is U.S. District Judge Thomas Porteous.  It's been nearly eight years since Porteous, a 1994 Clinton appointee, first came under investigation in the FBI's "Wrinkled Robe" probe.  There is ample evidence to warrant kicking his sorry corrupt butt off the bench, including damning testimony about kick-back schemes from his cronies who pleaded out, and proof that he made false statements in his own personal bankruptcy proceedings. 

Porteous has been on a "voluntary suspension" with pay (a tidy little sum of $170,000 per year!), and prohibited from hearing cases or hiring anyone, since September 10, 2008.  Yep -- he's been cooling his heels for more than 2 years now, doing little more than think about his defense and collect his checks.  The ultimate in redistributing wealth, one might conjecture.

Fortunately, the Fifth Circuit heeded a heads up that the Suspension was about to expire and issued an Order on September 8th extending its efficacy until the end of the year.  But just until the end of the year.

The House of Representatives issued Articles of Impeachment way back in March, accusing Porteous of High Crimes and Misdemeanors "in a pattern of conduct that is incompatible with the trust and confidence placed in him as a federal judge."  Today, a 12-member Senate Impeachment Trial Committee will begin a 5-day trial on the charges, ultimately sending a summary to the floor upon which the entire Senate will vote as jury, needing a 2/3 vote to convict.   There have been only 19 formal impeachment proceedings in the history of the United States, 14 of which were of federal judges.

What, you might ask, can the good judge possibly posit as a defense to such heinous allegations?

So far, it appears that his trial team will focus on the fact that most of the shenanigans cited in the Articles of Impeachment occurred while he sat on a state bench, prior to his elevation to federal court, and that he's never been officially charged with those crimes for which his buddies are currently serving time.

Doesn't that just make his benefactor, Slick Willie Clinton, (also the subject of Impeachment) look like an amateur at parsing the English language?

From the lightning-fast pace the case has assumed thus far, it's looking like the lame-duck full Senate won't hold its hearing until after the mid-terms.  They'd better get on the stick before the good judge gets in enough time to enter into his planned retirement at full salary.  I can imagine little that is less nauseating than the prospect of paying this guy $170 grand a year (plus COLAs) out of tax dollars for the rest of his worthless life.

And they'd better grow a set and dole out justice, unlike their predecessors did with former perjuring-John-in-Chief Clinton.  Failing to do so might set off a maelstrom that'll dwarf the Tea Party movement.  I envision literal torches, pitchforks, tar and feathers. 

I'd better go start plucking a few chickens, just in case.

Cultures of Criminality: By New Orleans Standards, Chicagoans are Flash-in-the-Pan Amateurs

Sunday in the Big Easy. In the dog days of August.

Last night as we left the movie theater around 8:00-ish, my stalwart Toyota told me that it was still 97 degrees outside. Today, we're forecast to tiptoe around the century mark with about 437% humidity, and I worked up a sweat this morning just setting out the oscillating sprinkler to green-up the parched patch of grass in front of Moogie's Mansion, so I'm understandably feeling a tad peckish.

And New Orleans is frankly getting on my last nerve.

Just in the last few days, multiple examples of the culture of criminality that runs this town have been reported in the local newspaper, The Times-Picayune. Those examples don't even include the Jefferson clan with all their creative high jinks, some of which are still pending trial, or other former Councilmembers.

In Friday's Metro section alone -- (1) former Nagin-administration "Technology Chief" Greg Meffert and his vendor-accomplice, Mark St. Pierre, along with Meffert's wife, were granted another postponement of their trial on kickback and bribery charges. One reason offered by the defense in support of its Motion to Postpone was the need for additional time to prepare to defend a "superseding indictment" handed up by a grand jury in early July that refined and clarified its earlier indictment to include "deprivation of 'honest services' by public officials." We're talking more than 63 felony counts, here, for defrauding the public of a million dollars. Sadly, everyone also had conflicting schedules, so the trial was postponed again, and we taxpayers must cool our heels -- again -- until late January, 2011.

(Don't you love how so many New Orleans public officials engage in "family-time crime?" The family that conspires together . . . .)

Plus, -- (2) last week, a federal judge sentenced three guys to varying prison terms after conviction "for their roles in a kickback scheme that bilked almost $300,000 from the project to widen Interstate 10 in Metairie." At least that one had gotten to the sentencing part. I don't know when that crime occurred, but they've been working on widening Interstate 10 since about the Louisiana Purchase, so there's no telling.

Then today. Today's article sent me over the edge.

It has to do with gravedigging in the seven city-owned cemeteries. About the gravedigging thing: it seems that there is none, and that there has been none since Katrina. Except, of course, for the gravedigging services creatively supplied -- for cash only -- by a city employee.

You really do need to read this article to get the whole flavor, but for those who don't have the time, here's a brief synopsis:

You apparently must go to the Division of Cemeteries (a unit of the Department of Property Management) to make arrangements to bury a loved one, and a Mrs. Wilson did just that in regard to her late mother-in-law. Mrs. Wilson met with the Interim Supervisor of Cemeteries ("interim" since Katrina, 5 years ago) who handed Mrs. Wilson a seven-page application, without requesting proof of relationship, and demanded a fee, explaining that the fee:

"was for $450: $100 to open the grave, $350 for the gravediggers -- and don't
bring anything but cash because the gravediggers get really upset about having
to deal with anything but cash."

You see where this is heading, don't you?

The $350 gravediggers didn't show up as scheduled, so Mrs. Wilson went to complain to the Cemetery Supervisor's supervisor, the Real Estate Administrator for the Department of Property Management. The Supervisor's supervisor was aghast, and explained that the city doesn't supply gravediggers -- that 's the bereaved's responsibility -- but it does collect a $100 fee to cover a "supervisor to ensure that the grave is being dug correctly."

As it stands today, after that very first complaint e-ver about a gravedigging scam, (A) a new city policy requires the payment of the gravedigging-supervisor fee to be paid by check or money order only, and (B) the Interim Supervisor of Cemeteries is still listed as a city employee.

I'm not sure what happened to poor Mrs. Wilson's deceased mother-in-law, but if I were Mrs. Wilson, I'd watch my back after ratting out the gravedigging scam.

City government seems to pay a whole lot of folks to duplicate one another's efforts and to supervise one another. I wonder how I can get me one of those $100-per-grave supervisor jobs? I'd be willing to stand out in the merciless sun to do it, cooling myself with a funeral-home fan; and I know a hole when I see one. I'd be perfect for the job!

And so it goes in the City That Care Forgot.

Chicago's public thieves can't be nearly as colorful.

He's Not Crazy, He's Religious

On June 1, 2009, convert-to-Islam Abdulhakim Mujahid Muhammad opened fire on two soldiers in Little Rock, Arkansas, killing one, PVT William Long. He is currently undergoing a court-ordered mental examination preliminary to his trial on charges of capital felony murder, among other things -- an unusual number of which oddly involve urine.

The examining psychiatrist recently filed his report with the court, concluding that Muhammad (the former Baptist, Carlos Leon Bledsoe) is most likely competent to stand trial. The despicable defendant revealed quite a bit about jihad in America in his conversations with the doctor, and in the process he also revealed a bit about how radical Islam isn't exactly a religion of peace and love. Today's Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reports:

“I was trying to kill them,” Muhammad told Dr. R. Clint Gray with the
Arkansas State Hospital, saying the shooting that injured Army Pvt. Quinton
Ezeagwula of Jacksonville and fatally wounded Pvt. William Long, 23, of Conway,
was “not due to mental illness, but due to obligation. It is a religious belief.”

. . .

“I’m not insane. I can stand trial. I’m not crazy,” he said, telling Gray that he has told his attorneys that he wants to plead guilty. “I can prove my beliefs in the Koran. It’s my religion. My family’s Baptist. They don’t understand. I’m saying I’m not brainwashed.”

Well, there you go. His family didn't understand him and the Koran instructed him to stalk and slaughter American soldiers on their native soil.

We'd better not interpret his words too mildly for the purposes of political correctness.

I'd like to see him strung up by the heels or other parts, but I hope he doesn't get the death penalty -- that would play right into the radical jihad mentality. I can think of many other creative forms of punishment, Eighth Amendment be damned.

Ah, yes, the wicked side of Moogie's brain is working overtime right about now (she said with an eerie glow emanating from her green eyes while one corner of her mouth curled upward in contemplation of something delicious).

Stranger Than Fiction

You can't make this stuff up.

I'm not one to find humor in the misfortune of others, but sometimes it just slaps you upside the head and begs to be shared with the world at large.

I got a phone call this morning from a long-lost friend, whom we shall refer to as "Law School Buddy" ("LSB"). We haven't seen him in years, but I recently re-connected with him via Facebook. I was really happy to have found him because he was in our wedding nearly 32 years ago and it's just good to know that he's alive and doing well. It turns out to have been a happy-making experience for him, too, as you shall see.

It seems that his son, LSB Jr., is down here with some classmates in New Orleans during college spring break doing good works with Habitat for Humanity. And, it seems that Junior and his buddies went to the Quarter last night for a little R &R as a reward for all their hard work.

After "boys will be boys" and all that jazz, it seems that one of Junior's comrades -- let's call him Dumb Ass -- became seriously over-served. He was so over-served (and engaging in some of the less than genteel behavior that often accompanies over-servement) that one of New Orleans' Finest, a mounted patrolman, sternly suggested that DA return to his hotel to sleep it off. DA took offense to that suggestion and, in an effort to make the officer aware of his dissatisfaction with said officer's suggestion, he also took a drunken, college-boy roundhouse swing at said cop.

See where we're heading?

So, LSB called me to get a little help locating a New Orleans jailhouse lawyer, giving me just the barest outline of the facts and Junior's cell phone number. After I talked to Junior the first time (and ascertained that he was in the clear and in one piece) it was hard to keep a straight face. Herewith is a little paraphrasing of that conversation:

Moogie: "So, what are the charges filed against DA?"

Junior: "Public intoxication, resisting arrest, and cruelty to animals."

Moogie:"Cruelty to animals? You mean he punched the horse, too?!?!"

Junior:"No, ma'am. He missed the cop and hit the horse instead."

Moogie:"Mmphhh . . . !"

It's hard to imagine, but we've lived in New Orleans for over a decade now and have yet to need the assistance of a criminal lawyer. Neither of us is licensed in Louisiana, so Pepper made some calls and I sent an email to a local attorney friend to get his recommendation. Here's the email:

"A friend's son is down here on spring break and one of his buddies got really messed up last night. (There's a surprise!) He swung at a cop and hit the horse instead. I know -- stop laughing. Anyway, he's charged with public intox, resisting arrest, and cruelty to animals. I know -- stop laughing. When our friend called, he said the kid had hit a cop -- I'm not sure which is worse.

Can you recommend a good criminal lawyer?"

When he called me with some names, our attorney friend agreed -- he's not sure whether hitting the cop or his horse would be worse. It was kind of hard to understand him when he said it because he was laughing so hard.

LSB stifled a chuckle, too, when I filled him in on the details later in the day.

The kid's in trouble, for sure, and I do hate to find humor in the misfortune of others, but . . . .

Like I said -- you can't make this stuff up!

The Jefferson Family Implosion Continues on the Fast Track

Remember "Dollar Bill" Jefferson, my former Congressman who stashed $90,000 in cash in his freezer? The one who is now awaiting sentencing for his public corruption conviction?

Remember his brother, Mose Jefferson? The one now awaiting sentencing for bribing a public official? The one scheduled for another trial in March for mail fraud, looting charities set up to access public funds to assist the impoverished, and a number of other naughtinesses?

Meet their sister, Betty Jefferson, 4th District Assessor for Orleans Parish, the lady in regal purple pictured above. Last Wednesday, she and her daughter, Angela Coleman, pleaded guilty to the federal raps of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, aggravated identity theft, money laundering and tax evasion.

The fun part? Ms. Jefferson and her offspring (obviously, the tainted nut doesn't fall far from the poison tree) will be testifying against good ol' Mose and his gal-pal, Renee Gill-Pratt, former state legislator and City Council member, in that March trial.

Yet another sister, Brenda Foster, pleaded guilty in 2008 in the upcoming foray into federal court, and agreed then to testify against Mose and Renee.

What a charming southern family. Wouldn't you just love to invite them all over for sweet tea and a spirited game of Backgammon? After you locked up all the family silver and heirlooms?

One Times-Picayune columnist, Stephanie Grace, echoed my feelings in her Sunday op-ed piece entitled, "Predatory Jeffersons": this family is nothing more than a band of amoral brigands aiming to "spread the wealth" from the public and the poor by channeling it to themselves. Her two closing paragraphs nail it:

In short, legal documents in this case paint a picture of a family willing to betray anyone and everyone around them, from their closest friends to their poorest constituents, for their own gain.

Whatever else Bill and Mose Jefferson did, that will be the final word on
the family's political legacy.

The scary part? Dollar Bill has five daughters, all Ivy League educated, and at least one of whom has already dabbled in politics.

Run for the hills and hide your assets!