The opening paragraph of an article in today's Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reads:
Police arrested a 52-year-old man Wednesday who was trying to hold up a bank branch using a small cannon-shaped figurine.
The article goes on to describe how the man placed the figurine on the branch manager's desk in Fort Smith and belligerently demanded "thousands of dollars." The manager was able to set off the bank's alarm and police were soon on the scene. They arrested the man and charged him with disorderly conduct, public intoxication (surprise!), and attempted aggravated robbery.
Aggravated felonies contemplate the use of some sort of deadly weapon. The Wiki says, "aggravated robbery involv[es] use of a deadly weapon or something that appears to be a deadly weapon."
Not that I'm advocating bank robbery or anything, but classifying what occurred in Fort Smith as aggravated anything seems a bit over the top. And I understand that society is growing way too Second Amendment-phobic, and kids get suspended from school for drawing pictures of guns, but seriously? The guy was soused! I doubt one can even form the requisite scienter when he is that plowed.
I'd better go tell Pepper he needs to file for a permit for that model cannon that was given to him by the Field Artillery battalion when he left command of the 39th. We wouldn't want him to get thrown in the hoosegow for possession of an unregistered decorative item.
Have we arrived at a point in history where we must register scary tchotchkes?
I'd say that very idea is scary enough.