From Today's Inbox -- Oil Change Instructions

From SIL #2 (who got it from his father).  Heh.

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 20 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:


Oil Change:$24.00


Coffee: Complimentary


TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:


Parts: $50.00


DUI: $2,500.00


Impound fee: $75.00


Bail: $1,500.00


Beer: $20.00


TOTAL: $4,145.00


But you know the job was done right!

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Commander in Chief

Stolen from Facebook

I think he wears it a little too well.

"Dollar Bill" Finally to be Issued a Prison Jumpsuit!

So.  Seven years after his wrongdoing came to light, and 2 1/2 years after his conviction, my former Congressman, William "Dollar Bill" Jefferson, has finally been ordered to report to prison by May 4th.  You can refresh your memory about his saga here.

He got 13 years.  The judge will send him to a minimum security federal facility and Jefferson will be required to serve at least 85% of his sentence before becoming eligible for parole.  That means he'll be in the hoosegow for more than 11 years.  He's 65 now, so it's likely he won't be feeling too spry when he gets sprung.

Sounds like watching ol' Bill don the orange jumpsuit should be a pretty strong deterrent to others in Congress who might be tempted to engage in similar hijinks.  But, then again, power corrupts.

We have plenty of evidence of that axiom in DC today, now, don't we?

Navy Week Comes to a Close

I haven't had time to upload my pics and videos from Navy Week, but here's a brief video from nola.com that captures a few ships departing this morning.  The tall ship with the sailors standing amid the riggings is from Ecuador:



How cool is that!

Sharing the Wealth 101

That's kind of a scary face, too!

Navy Week!

It's Navy Week in New Orleans and the kickoff of the Bicentennial Commemoration of the War of 1812. Moogie has been very busy volunteering and celebrating! There will be amazing videos and pics to come, but not until all the festivities come to a close on Sunday. Right now, I'm just sitting with my feet up, having spent 6 hours on them, on concrete, in the sun, serving as the source of all knowledge and cat-herder. I see Chinese delivery in our immediate future.

Oh, Those Goofy NorKs!

Splash! Even so, Hillary's gonna be pissed.

Inbox Phishing

There seems to be a spate of these things circulating lately.  I've been forwarding them to whichever entity's identity has been compromised.  Sometimes the compromised entity thanks me for my vigilance.  Someday soon, when I have enough time, I'm gonna play with the phishermen a wee bit.  In the meantime, here's today's latest scam.  It's enough to send the grammar police into cardiac arrest:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2012 5:18 AM
Subject: UPDATE YOUR COX ACCOUNT NOW !

Attention: Cox Users,

We are kindly bringing to your Notice that our customer service will be damaging down some E-mail accounts from our data base,

due to the high number of different E-mail Accounts that has been Violated by our E-mail policy, terms and conditions we are destroying down some E-mail users.

if you still choose to maintain your email with us.you are adviced to send the informations below

E -mail...................

Password....................

Birth date...................

Cox Pin.....................

You are to send your details to this email only ( update2020@qatar.io )

Account owner that refuses to maintain his or her account after 3-4 working days of this notification will loose his/her account permanently from our site.

COX COMMUNICATIONS

© 1998-2012 Cox Communications, Inc.

I'd really hate to loose my account or have it damaged down.  Think I should send my social security number, too, just so the dude in Qatar won't destroy down my email?

Nah.  I'll take my chances.

Happy Easter!

He is Risen, indeed!

I hope everyone has a joyous, blessed, invigorating (or relaxing, if that's what you need today) Easter.

Bouie does, too --

That Pesky Balance of Powers Thingy and Obamacare

The Young President appears to have scraped his fingernails across the federal judiciary's collective chalkboard, and the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals has called him out on it.



Yesterday, during a hearing in a separate challenge to Obamacare by physician-owned hospitals, a three-judge panel issued an order giving the Justice Department until noon Thursday to file a three-page minimum, single-spaced letter detailing the administration's position concerning federal courts'  authority to strike down mandates that they determine are unconstitutional.  Attorney General Holder is said to be preparing a response from the DOJ.

Yeah.  I'm certain he'll hop right on that -- after his Law Clerk finishes the research and first draft.

The thing about this kerfuffle that amuses me the most is the Young President's clumsy phraseology when trying to express his (incorrect) personal opinion about the federal judiciary's role in the balance of powers:

“I’d just remind conservative commentators that for years what we’ve heard is, the biggest problem on the bench was judicial activism or a lack of judicial restraint — that an unelected group of people would somehow overturn a duly constituted and passed law.  Well, this is a good example. And I’m pretty confident that this court will recognize that and not take that step.

. . .

“I’m confident that the Supreme Court will not take what would be an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected Congress."

A tad on the clumsy side, no?  (Unelected group of people? Duly constituted and passed [pause] law?  Egad.)

Yesterday, he walked it back.  (Oh, no! What I really meant to say was):

“The point I was making is that the Supreme Court is the final say on our Constitution, and all of us have to respect it.  But it’s precisely because of that extraordinary power that the court has traditionally exercised significant restraint and deference to a duly elected legislature.”

It sounds to me like his handlers programmed and revved up his inner teleprompter.  And, no, Mr. President.  That's not the point you were making.  That wasn't your point at all.  It wasn't about the balance of powers; it was about the power.

And the "Professor" (Lecturer) of Constitutional Law using a phrase like "an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law?"  Seriously?

That pesky ol' Marbury v. Madison case that established the Doctrine of Judicial Review.  It's only been around since 1803.  My undergraduate Business Law students were tested on that case.  And remembered it. 

But then, apparently the Young President didn't teach Marbury v. Madison, according to one of his former students (who now believes his credentials have been somewhat "tarnished" by the YP's gaffe).  He taught Con Law III (3rd year) which focused on the Fourteenth Amendment.  And his students studied many famous cases in which the Supreme Court overturned "duly constituted and passed" laws.  Hmmm.

Keep stumblin', Mr. President.  You're beginning to flash your true colors more and more.  Even those star-struck myopic voters will soon pick up on that and show you the door come November.

Intaxication

Stolen from Facebook:

Ain't that the God's honest truth!  Nothin' like making an interest-free loan to Uncle Barack and Aunt San-Fran Nan.

After Careful Analysis, I Have Concluded That Supporting Obama Is In My Best Interest

APRIL FOOL!!!!! ;-D