Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stranger Than Fiction

You can't make this stuff up.

I'm not one to find humor in the misfortune of others, but sometimes it just slaps you upside the head and begs to be shared with the world at large.

I got a phone call this morning from a long-lost friend, whom we shall refer to as "Law School Buddy" ("LSB"). We haven't seen him in years, but I recently re-connected with him via Facebook. I was really happy to have found him because he was in our wedding nearly 32 years ago and it's just good to know that he's alive and doing well. It turns out to have been a happy-making experience for him, too, as you shall see.

It seems that his son, LSB Jr., is down here with some classmates in New Orleans during college spring break doing good works with Habitat for Humanity. And, it seems that Junior and his buddies went to the Quarter last night for a little R &R as a reward for all their hard work.

After "boys will be boys" and all that jazz, it seems that one of Junior's comrades -- let's call him Dumb Ass -- became seriously over-served. He was so over-served (and engaging in some of the less than genteel behavior that often accompanies over-servement) that one of New Orleans' Finest, a mounted patrolman, sternly suggested that DA return to his hotel to sleep it off. DA took offense to that suggestion and, in an effort to make the officer aware of his dissatisfaction with said officer's suggestion, he also took a drunken, college-boy roundhouse swing at said cop.

See where we're heading?

So, LSB called me to get a little help locating a New Orleans jailhouse lawyer, giving me just the barest outline of the facts and Junior's cell phone number. After I talked to Junior the first time (and ascertained that he was in the clear and in one piece) it was hard to keep a straight face. Herewith is a little paraphrasing of that conversation:

Moogie: "So, what are the charges filed against DA?"

Junior: "Public intoxication, resisting arrest, and cruelty to animals."

Moogie:"Cruelty to animals? You mean he punched the horse, too?!?!"

Junior:"No, ma'am. He missed the cop and hit the horse instead."

Moogie:"Mmphhh . . . !"

It's hard to imagine, but we've lived in New Orleans for over a decade now and have yet to need the assistance of a criminal lawyer. Neither of us is licensed in Louisiana, so Pepper made some calls and I sent an email to a local attorney friend to get his recommendation. Here's the email:

"A friend's son is down here on spring break and one of his buddies got really messed up last night. (There's a surprise!) He swung at a cop and hit the horse instead. I know -- stop laughing. Anyway, he's charged with public intox, resisting arrest, and cruelty to animals. I know -- stop laughing. When our friend called, he said the kid had hit a cop -- I'm not sure which is worse.

Can you recommend a good criminal lawyer?"

When he called me with some names, our attorney friend agreed -- he's not sure whether hitting the cop or his horse would be worse. It was kind of hard to understand him when he said it because he was laughing so hard.

LSB stifled a chuckle, too, when I filled him in on the details later in the day.

The kid's in trouble, for sure, and I do hate to find humor in the misfortune of others, but . . . .

Like I said -- you can't make this stuff up!


  1. Oh Moogie...Jeepers, I am truly laughing my backside off! All I could see was Alex Karras punching that horse in Blazing Saddles.

    Oh, my goodness...I can't stop laughing...

    I know where you're coming's kinda like "go ahead and punch me in the nose, but don't dare kick my dog."

    You are right Moogie. Truth is funnier than "made up." Probably more so in The Crescent City. Thanks for the guffaw!

  2. There is nothing in the world as mouthy as a college boy with too much to drink! Great story.

  3. Many years from now this will be a funny story that DA can tell his progeny.

  4. Heh. I hope DA gets away with just a fine.

    The story brings back some old memories of the Quarter that are funny now but were much less so when they were happening. My slightly crooked nose is a reminder of those days that will never go away.

  5. I forwarded this out to a bunch of people. All "laughed out loud." Mrs. G was concerned about the horse.

  6. NOPD don't play when you assault their horses. I saw a guy do that one night and he was given a true NOPD "welcome" (known in other parts as a savage beat-down) by multiple uniformed and plainclothes officers and then hauled off to OPP.

    I think Hinkley got off lighter for shooting President Reagan.

    NOPD. Gotta respect 'em...or at least pretend to when they're around.