Moogie's Got Mail! And It's From the White House!

You may recall that I've penned a few epistles to our Young President since his inauguration to express my opinion about his opinion of the Tea Party movement, and to express my dismay at his official response to the murder of a young Army soldier in Little Rock, Arkansas, by a convert to Islam.

Last week, I received a letter from him on stationery with an embossed White House logo and "recycled symbol" watermark!

My fingers trembled as I slit open the envelope -- would the Young President chastise me for my effrontery in criticizing the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act ? Would he posit rational alternatives to my suggestions? Would he offer sincere condolences for the senseless loss of a young soldier whose adult life had barely begun? Would he invite me to have a glass of chardonnay on the White House lawn as we debate the relative merits of health care reform with our shirt sleeves rolled up? After all, the envelope appeared to have been hand-written -- surely this letter came directly from the big desk in the Oval Office!

That would be a big negatory, good buddy.

In his endearingly personal missive, he expresses appreciation of "hearing from" me and tells me he values my "input." He trumpets the need for "swift, deliberate action," and repeats his clarion call for (1) health care reform "--this year--", (2) a clean energy economy [jobs, energy independence, global warming], and (3) complete and competitive education. Not much new there --that's pretty much the standard holy trinity held over from the campaign.

But, since he's actually been in office, he has apparently learned that there are other pressing matters in this uncertain world that also need urgent, swift, and deliberate action. Wonder of wonders, he has added new "to do" tasks to his agenda that he felt comfortable enough to share with little ol' me (since he obviously knows me well enough to assume I'd jump right up off the couch to get to work and help him check these tasks off his list)!

Ready for this?

"We need to secure our homeland against threats by preventing terrorist attacks and planning for and responding soundly to emergencies." [Translation: remove more clothing at airports and go into quarantine if you don't take your Swine Flu shot.]

"We also have an obligation to rein in our budget by cutting wasteful spending and ineffective programs." [Translation: Turn loose of that Medicare Advantage and get ready for "Money For Major Appliances!"]

Here's the best part -- I swear it says this, verbatim:

"We can do all this, and change the way business is done in Washington, by building the most open, transparent, and accountable government in our history."

Openness, transparency and accountability will arrive at some point, I suppose, after Harry Reid and Rahm Emanuel emerge from behind the Senate vault doors to announce how we are to approach health care -- and like it.

The Young President closes by sincerely thanking me once again for my "involvement," and encourages me to explore http://www.whitehouse.gov/ which is "regularly updated and more interactive than ever before."

My mind is so much more at ease to learn that another "inherited" mess -- a sloppy White House website -- has been mopped up!

I know, I know. What did I expect out of a communication from an elected official inside the beltway? Did I expect a reply that had some connection -- no matter how slight -- with the topic I took the time to write about and spent nearly half-a-dollar to mail?

Not really. But I did briefly get the pleasure of one twisted chuckle: the envelope seriously appears to be handwritten, in a slightly shaky script, until you hold it up to the light and discern that there are no pressure indentations on the paper. It's ink-jetted. And the deceptive use of that little modern process totally killed my buzz.

See, I had mental images of Michelle's aging mother addressing hundreds of envelopes by candlelight once the girls had been put to bed so she could earn her room and board. After all, it may not be lonely under the bus anymore, but it definitely has to be uncomfortable!

But, no. She's probably sitting on the White House lawn sipping my glass of wine.

Maybe I should write a letter complaining about that. Maybe Michelle would reply about the virtues of gardening in mid-calf boots, and horizontal stripes! Heh.

Football Weather!!!!!!

I'm wearing sweat pants, sweatshirt and socks (this is significant because I hardly ever wear socks!!)! It's football weather in New Orleans!!!

GEAUX SAINTS!!!

UPDATE: SAINTS 48 - Giants 27!!! WHO DAT!!!!!!! Not dem Giants!!!!

Ramirez gives Us a Form 1040 to Love!

Drat! I mailed the 2008 returns just yesterday (after our customary extensions), moments before this new Form 1040 came out.

Is it too early to file an amended return?!?!


[h/t to Buck.]

Venezuela in Jeopardy

I've tried to keep it from him for as long as I can, but my husband may now be painting camo on his face and dusting off his jungle BDUs for a covert invasion of Venezuela.

He can sort of tolerate the state taking over television and radio stations. He can barely tolerate Chavez sucking up to the Castro brothers and demonizing Honduras. He can even kind of tolerate the newest cozy relationship among Venezuela and other OPEC nations.

But this he cannot tolerate: Hugo Chavez has declared golf to be a bourgeois non-sport played by lazy elitists, and anything but a "peoples' sport." Nine courses have been nationalized and closed so far.

I've done all that I can, people of Venezuela; I can't restrain him any longer. You'd better follow Cuba's lead of wooing golf tourists, get rid of Chavez, or prepare to face the consequences wrought by the Golf Avenger. You're on your own.

New Orleans Gives the U.S.S. New York a Send-off Befitting Her Heritage

The master shipbuilders at Avondale, Louisiana, have crafted an emotional work of art and might: the U.S.S. New York.

In a labor of love, the artisans began construction in 2004 on the 684-foot amphibious transport dock ship. This morning -- on a fog-shrouded Mississippi River -- she began her maiden voyage to her namesake City for commissioning into the United States Navy. Thousands of southeast Louisianians lined the River to bid her "fair winds and following seas;" she was saluted with two separate 21-gun salutes, hundreds of fluttering American flags, and musical tributes.

Northrup-Grumman's Avondale shipyard has produced countless ships for our mighty military over the years, so what makes this particular transport vessel so remarkable?

She has already known adversity, this gray beauty -- during her construction, she weathered Hurricanes Katrina (and its aftermath), Ike, and Gustav. But she's also a survivor -- incorporated into her bow stem are about 7 1/2 tons of steel from the New York World Trade Center, felled during the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on our nation.

As an unofficial Honor Guard, near the starting line of her voyage a swarm of police and emergency vehicles flashed their lights in honor of the 343 firefighters and police officers who died in the World Trade Center. Through the steel in her bow, commemorating the thousands of innocents and heroes who unexpectedly lost their lives on that clear September morn, she's already blessed by scores of Guardian Angels. Even so, we add our blessing to theirs.

Bon voyage, New York; may you know fair winds and following seas indeed.

Kinda Like What the Mainstream Media Spoon-feeds Us

I overheated my brain over the weekend, so today's post will be fluffish. Plus, my future son-in-law just cracks up every time he sees this box -- he even took a picture of it once so he can crack himself up at home -- so I thought the photo on the box might crack up other folks, too.

We have a geriatric beagle who, despite her age, is constantly on the hunt. The hunt is for food. "Food," in Wendy Whiner's mind, needn't necessarily be edible, and she'll take it where she can get it.

Hence, she is known, for polite discourse, as a poop eater. That is not precisely the phrase my husband uses, but you get the general idea.

Yes, you read that correctly -- she eats poop. Often. With gusto.

Since the consumption of one's own -- or someone else's -- poop can be detrimental to one's health (and, observing the process can be detrimental to the observer's gag reflex), the practice is one that is to be discouraged. "Scooping" is not the answer -- a wily beagle can always find a way to beat the scoop.

So, the product pictured above has been stocked in our house for some time and used according to package instructions to try to break Wendy of her between-meal snacking habits. It claims to "help stop your ... dog from consuming its own feces." How is this miracle product supposed to work, you may wonder? Once consumed, it moves through the digestive system and discourages the dog from wanting to re-eat the by-product because it makes the poop taste bad.

Yep -- it makes the poop taste bad.

Foolish me -- it never occurred to me that poop could taste any way but bad.

For all the unpleasant imagery that it evokes, does the product work well?

Not when one lives with a determined beagle who has a poop monkey on her back.

I'm with the chihuahua on the box, however. Is that a great face, or what! Kinda the same expression I had on my face last week when the Nobel Peace Prize was announced.

Aw, come on -- you knew I had to get in at least one political dig, didn't you? And the dig is pretty much about the same subject matter as the rest of this post -- the knee-jerk reaction to both is "Ewwwww."

The Primary is Over in the Race for Anti-Christ

Deadenders wonders today "why" Barry is President instead of Hillary, and comes to the conclusion that the only thing they really share is the "Y."

I have a little different theory.

For years, I feared that Hillary was the anti-Christ.

From the time she joined Bill in Fayetteville after his unsuccessful run for Congress, through his term as Attorney General, and throughout the Clinton-as-Governor years (including the brief two years when the voters kicked him out of the Governor's mansion for housing too many Vietnamese boat people at Ft. Chaffee and raising the cost of "car tags" -- translation for folks not living in the heartland: car tags = registration and license plates), I was an Arkansas resident and voter. I was also a member of the Arkansas legal community, so I had the chance to watch her work. Believe me, the lady became a master at power-broking, and that was no easy mark for a woman to make in the "good ol' boy" days of Arkansas politics.

While Bill was in the gubernatorial doghouse, Hillary changed her name -- she took the surname "Clinton" -- and gave birth to baby Chelsea (the best thing the Clintons ever accomplished, IMHO). He regained the Governor's office by a landslide in the next race.

Then, came the White House years, and, much to my husband's amusement, I swore up and down that she had a contract with the devil.

I mean, first, Bill is elected -- a southern Governor within easy memory of Jimmy Carter. Then Bill's presidency survives Bosnia, adultery, Vince Foster, and impeachment. Then, with no discernible ties to the state, Hill decides to move to NY (NY?!?!) and run for the Senate, and her main competition -- "America's Mayor" -- conveniently comes down with prostate cancer and has to drop out of the race?!?!

Then came her own no-last-name presidential campaign. She stayed true to her fairly progressive dogma, and I was still certain that she might sprout horns. (Plus, the timbre of her voice could still make me cringe and my dog howl.)

But . . . .

Then came ACORN in Iowa, followed in short order by Florida, Michigan, and the pillorying of Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin.

Then came the "fundamentally transforming the United State of America" speech by then-nominee Young President Obama.

Then, at lightspeed, came the election, the YP's Apology Tour of Europe and the Middle East, drooling adoration at the U.N., and this week's "humbling" notification that the Nobel *choke* Prize was coming to roost on his mantle in the private quarters of the White House.

So, today I have been forced to come to the inevitable conclusion that Hillary, as anti-Christ wannabe, is a rank amateur. She's a handmaiden at best, and trapped on the outside of "the transformation" as Secretary of State, while Nancy Pelosi poofs up her hair to hide her own emerging devil horns.

My illusions are shattered.

Believe me -- I have no illusions left about who might be the anti-Christ.

Can you say Left Behind?