Pity the Children

No, not those children, these children:

I would sooooo hate to be a child in this day and age. Not only do they have to be on the constant lookout for perverted strangers and go to school forever and ever, now they are also forbidden tasty treats within the ivy-covered walls of public schools. The USDA has promulgated school breakfast, lunch, and snack regulations under the watchful eye of the First Witch Lady.

The preface on the USDA School Meals webpage tells us:

Through the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act championed by the First Lady and signed by President Obama, USDA made the first major changes in school meals in 15 years, which will help us raise a healthier generation of children.

The new standards align school meals with the latest nutrition science and the real world circumstances of America’s schools. These responsible reforms do what’s right for children’s health in a way that’s achievable in schools across the Nation.

The Act became effective July 1 of this year, leaving schools and Boards of Education scrambling to get around its enabling regulations.

Schools are forbidden to offer "competitive snacks" and "competitive beverages" (food and drink that "compete" with the Agriculture Department's school meal program) that are sugary or fatty, or, apparently, desirable. These competitive foodstuffs are often sold as a means of fundraising for the school through vending machines, school stores, and bake sales.

Wait. BAKE SALES?!?!

Yes. Bake sales.

Even though the regs were modified last spring a bit in response to a tidal wave of complaints, homebaked goodies and fun food are still a no-no in most places. Illinois is tightening its rules about food-centric fundraisers, but many other states are establishing safe havens for them, guaranteeing up to 30 per year per campus. Thank God for common sense.

["Cottage Food Laws" have been promulgated in a majority of the states that allow the sale of certain food items that were prepared in a non-commercial, unlicensed kitchen. Bake sale donations arguably fall within their purview, even if the laws were originally designed primarily for farmers' market vendors. (Arkansas' Cottage Law is in that category, but I'll bet one could argue that it applies to bake sales, too).]

"Doing what's right for children's health." Egad. We may be getting ready to witness a mass exercise in civil disobedience the likes of which have never been seen.

Do you suppose the kids still get to read Thoreau?

They can have my brownie when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands.